Tag Archives: personal

The First Day of Marriage

All images shot on 35mm Pentax with Kodak Tri-X 400 black & white film and Kodak Portra 400 color film

I wish I could go back. Not to the wedding day, though it was perfect and lovely, but to the morning after… Day 1 of being married. I loved this day. The way the air still smelled of wedding cake, the way the flowers looked so soft and began releasing their petals, the complete calmness that filled the room. Everything was still fresh and new, every memory of the day before so sharp and crisp. We sat at breakfast and talked through every last detail. What were your favorite hors d’oeuvres? How beautiful was the light?  What did you think when you first saw me? Oh my, wasn’t our cake delicious? I want to eat it again right now… would that be bad luck?

I couldn’t sleep that morning. My groom who was now my husband slept peacefully. I watched the city wake up out of our suite in the Carlyle Hotel. I looked at all the details, the evidence a wedding had ascended upon us. I touched the flowers, I held the lace, I smiled at the half filled champagne flutes scattered about. I felt that innocent, youthful joy, I basked in the glow of newness and I dreamed of all the adventures ahead.

“But Zelda, what wouldn’t you give to go back to the beginning, to be those people again, the future so fresh and promising that it seems impossible not to get it right?”

Recently celebrating our one year anniversary, we were looking back at our wedding pictures and I was reminded of this day and  these photographs I made so that I could go back to this time for the rest of time and remember that sweetness of our first day as husband and wife ~

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The Hands of Time

Charlene Beck 1936-2013

Very recently I lost my hero, a woman instrumental in raising me and a beloved Grandma to all who knew her – family or otherwise. It was the most difficult goodbye I have ever experienced and just writing this post tears stream down my face. She taught me how to write my name, how to turn caterpillars into butterflies, how to sew a pillow, how to love family unconditionally and how to make potato soup on a cold day. She taught me that no amount of money can ever be more valuable than what you have inside you. Kindness, creativity, thoughtfulness, the choice to do the right thing, and how you treat others is what is important.

Photography is a tool that can be used in many different ways. For me, I had to take photographs as a way of expressing outwardly what was happening inside, a way to cope with grief, to see and understand through the viewfinder what was difficult in the present. The sound of the old, large Hasselblad shutter slamming down was therapeutic. A show of respect. This is important to me, you were important to me with each click. It is painful and beautiful to look at the images so raw and real, a universal experience we all as human beings share. Thank god for photography…it has saved me so many times.

She was beautiful and wild, she had her father’s green thumb, she was amazing at crafts and I’ll ALWAYS miss her potato soup and cornbread, the memories of standing in the kitchen together, and most of all she loved her family past and present.

To every spring, my Grandma, I will think of you when the garden starts to grow. To every red bird that sits on my windowsill I will think of it as you stopping by to say hello. 

Much love until we see each other again. 

To my family – though my work takes me far away, I carry you all inside my heart and think of you often, as I hope to be half the woman she was. 

 

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